I’ve been reading through So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore with two other ladies for the past 6 months. It’s been an eye-opening journey and I’ve learnt so much about my insecurity: the different things that make me feel insecure, how my insecurity manifests itself and how to manage my insecurity with God’s help. It was also somewhat comforting to realise that almost everybody has some form of insecurity and sometimes the person who seems to be the most attractive and confident is in reality a bundle of insecurities barely held together.
I’ve always been quite a self-conscious and insecure person and I can see more clearly now how my struggles with insecurity have affected how I function at work, the way I treat my friends, and the kind of wife and mother I am. Most of what I’ve learnt about myself and my insecurities is deeply personal and not something I want to blog about. But I am very grateful to my two friends who have shared so much about themselves so honestly and I have tried my best to be equally forthcoming during our weekly sessions.
Of course, even though we have finished the book, it doesn’t mean I am now a fully secure person. But I know what triggers my insecurity and I have become much better at checking my heart, thinking through my emotions and telling myself, “But I have this treasure!”. I also know that I want to become a more secure person, not just for my benefit, but to be a worthy role model for Anya.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.
(2 Corinthians 4: 6-7)
I wish I had read this book much much earlier because it would have saved me a lot of unnecessary heartache and sleepless nights. But I thank God that I’m not a complete wreck despite the crippling insecurity I have suffered most of my life. I am still on a quest for security but at least I’m not alone on this journey because the Lord is my security.